Update: Photo credit for Steven Sable (dog picture) added March 16, 2016; ICTMN regrets the error.
Most of us have heard the famous Jeff Foxworthy “You Might Be a Redneck…” jokes. But why should Foxworthy get to have all of the fun? We as Native Americans deserve the right to hear some stereotypical satire, which also happens to merit the truth.
In this lighthearted way of looking at ourselves, here are 10 Ways to Tell You Might Be Native American.
If you own a shirt with an eagle, a wolf or an Indian on it…You might be Native American
If you get up right now and walk to your closet, or look in the hamper or for some, just look in the mirror, you will see a shirt with an eagle, a wolf or an Indian on it. Heck, you might even own a shirt that has all three. Buffalos, hawks and deer also count.
If you own at least one piece of turquoise jewelry… You might be a Native American
You might have a small pair of earrings or a straight out arm cuff with a six inch oval of turquoise, but no matter how big or small your collection, if you have that beautiful stone in your house or on your person, well, you know.
If you have ever posted, plus 1’d, retweeted or liked a frybread meme on social media… You might be Native American
You’ve done it haven’t you, you noticed a funny meme with frybread on it and you couldn’t help yourself. In the midst of your lol-ing, you reshared it. It’s ok, I’ve done it too. There’s no shame.
If you’ve used the terms Rez, snag, cuz or teepee creep recently… You might be a Native American
We might think the rest of society has a small clue as to what these terms mean, but seriously? No one has the smallest clue. It’s alright cuz, we’re down like that. See you on the Rez.
If you’ve been late and used “Indian Time” as an excuse… You might be Native American
Whether it’s your job or a pow wow or you are standing around with friends, (or they are standing there without you) or there is any situation with someone “late to the party.” When they or you show up… no excuses are made, no reasons given… just the phrase “Indian time.”
If your pet has no registration or never been to the vet… You might be Native American
OK, this doesn’t go for everyone, but it is a good possibility for a rez puppy… that gets to go wherever they want.
If you have an email address with wolf, hawk, eagle, bear, NDN, NDNGirl, N8V or other related blurbs in it… You might be Native American
Well, this one is pretty self-explanatory. The same goes for social media handles.
If you have random feathers, sticks, rocks or sage bundles just lying around your house… You Might Be Native American
Didn’t think we knew about this one did you? Well, the jig is up.
If you have at least one Native American painting in your house… You Might Be Native American
This painting is generally what we get mad about if other people assume we are all about the Native guy on a horse sitting on a hill with a sunset in the background. Oh by the way, I’m not just talking about a painting on the wall, I’m also talking about the one you’ve been meaning to hang up for the past year.
If you’ve laughed at any of these or said to yourself, “I gotta share this!”… You Might Be Native American
Gotcha, didn’t I.
This story originally published January 29, 2014.