Last week we brought you the first shot of Indian humor in what we intend to be a weekly dose — and we called it “an oldie but a goodie.” But the question of “Why did the chicken cross the road?” is more than an oldie — it’s the oldest one in the book. But what’s the punchline? Well, it depends on what kind of Indian you ask…
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
SOVEREIGN INDIAN: This is the chicken’s inherent right as he is indigenous to this land!!!
MILITANT INDIAN: That chicken should block the road, not cross the road!!!
GRASSROOT INDIAN: If the darn chickens need to get across the road, let ’em cross the darn road!
COLONIZED INDIAN: Chiggens should never cross the roads that white men built before the great white father crosses it first. If the white father crosses it, it is good. We must then follow.
AMERICANIZED INDIAN: We must have roads. We must cross the roads that the white man built for us. We have to be thankful to the white man for this. I don’t know why you Indians are always complaining. You embarrass us. Chickens are good for us.
REPUBLICAN INDIAN: It’s true that that white man built those roads for us. We are merely chickens. We will always be chickens until we learn to build those roads ourselves — for profit.
DEMOCRATIC INDIAN: The chicken crossed the road because he didn’t have enough funding.
TRADITIONAL INDIAN: Those chiggens weren’t traditional because they were supposed to be on it — not crossing it!
INDIAN GRANDPA: I think he was runnin’ away from rezidential school.
URBAN INDIAN: That chicken crossed the road ’cause it was a city, man. You know what I mean?
NEW AGE INDIAN: It was basically because of Jungian dream therapy, drumming, sweatlodges, my shaman, and long walks on the beach, near my beach house.
POW WOW INDIAN: That chicken must have been heading to a 49!
EDUCATED INDIAN: I think it has to do with Einstein’s theory which basically posits: “Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?”
REZ INDIAN: What’s a chicken?
IHS INDIAN: I really don’t care why he crossed that road. We still aren’t paying for no stinkin’ hospital bills.
BIA INDIAN: They crossed it because of CFR 49, Section 11299, gives them the authority to do so, under Department of Interior regulations, in the Executive Branch. They wrote a grant and we funded them. We are very proud of them.
KFC INDIAN: I’ll take a leg, a thigh, with corn and potatoes. Extra crispy, please.
TRIBAL INDIAN COUNCIL: The chicken crossed the road without our approval! Fire his family!!