Native Humor: 20 Signs She May Be ‘Too Rez’ for You, Bro

Irene Bedard as Suzy Song in 'Smoke Signals.'

Are you man enough for a real rez girl?

Life on an Indian reservation is full of ups, downs, and colorful characters—and right up there with the tough Native grandmother is her younger incarnation, the rez girl. Rez girls are down-to-earth, resourceful, opinionated, loving, and yes, like grandma, just a bit tough. Rez girls play basketball with the rez boys and they don’t just drive NDN cars, they fix them and know all the words to the song. Let’s face it, not every man is, well, man enough to handle a rez girl. In an internet full of hashtags, tweets and memes, the #shes2rez4ubro joke was inevitable, as was the She’s Too Rez For You Bro!! Tumblr blog. Sadly, it hasn’t updated in quite some time, but there’s a lot there—we mined its 37 pages of #shes2rez4ubro posts and picked these 20 as the best:

20 Signs She’s Too Rez For You, Bro

20.If she puts evaporated milk in her coffee, she’s too rez for you, bro.

19.If she’s still rockin’ XIT’s “Plight of the Redman”—on cassette—she’s too rez for you, bro.

18.If she names every stray animal and mouse, she’s too rez for you, bro.

17.If her grandma is the scariest thing in the woods, she’s too rez for you, bro.

,T-shirt by Cheef, cheefculture.com.

16.If she owns more pairs of basketball shorts than pants, she’s too rez for you, bro.

15.If she says “righ-cheer” instead of “right here,” she’s too rez for you, bro.

14.If her hot dog bun is just a folded piece of bread, she’s too rez for you, bro.

13.If she knows exactly how many more miles she can go once the “gas empty” light comes on, she’s too rez for you, bro.

12.If she’s older than any of her aunts or uncles, she’s too rez for you, bro.

11.If you pucker up to kiss her and she turns around to see who you’re pointing at, she’s too rez for you, bro.

10.If she has a radio that turns on when she slams the brakes, she’s too rez for you, bro.

9.If she refuses to talk to you until you grow your hair back out, she’s too rez for you, bro.

8.If her full name has more than ten syllables, she’s too rez for you, bro.

Source: tumblr.com

7.If most of her friends are also cousins, she’s too rez for you, bro.

6.If her table cloth, comforter, and curtains are all Pendleton blankets, she’s too rez for you, bro.

5.If she gives you her sister’s phone number because she ran out of minutes again, she’s too rez for you, bro.

4.If she has a couch in the yard but uses lawn chairs in the living room, she’s too rez for you, bro.

3.If her grandma pulls over on the side of the road to pluck the quills from dead porcupines, she’s too rez for you, bro.

2.If she walks around barefoot in the winter, she’s too rez for you, bro.

1.If her idea of breakfast is Dr. Pepper and Hot Chee-tos, she’s too rez for you, bro.

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