After two months of vacation, going back to school can sometimes be synonymous with stress for your child. Does the idea of meeting new classmates and teachers seem to make him uncomfortable? He might be shy, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
It’s not about making sure your child no longer is, but rather making sure it’s not an obstacle to them finding their place in the world. If you are inclined to help in this process, the Vox media shares some advice from experts on the subject.
Don’t point out his shyness
When a stranger comes to meet him and the child “burys his head in his parents’ knees, they will tend to excuse his behavior by the fact that he is shy” describes for example Robert Coplan, professor of psychology at Carleton University. According to him, parents should on the contrary avoid this remark, which locks the child in a box. Instead, he strongly recommends replacing the famous “He’s just shy!” by “He may be uncomfortable meeting someone, but give him a minute and he will come to you.” This way, you don’t put pressure on your child to not be the right person.
In shyness, there is good and bad. Robert Coplan puts forward the idea that while shy children can be victims of harassment or exclusion, they are also known to be attentive and empathetic ears, as well as keen observers. Let him be generous, funny, attentive: tell him, it’s the best way to boost his confidence.
Help him understand new situations
You wouldn’t push your child headfirst into the pool to teach them how to swim. You would probably prefer to accompany him gently to prevent him from drowning. In fact, “Forcing a sobbing child to stay on the football field is a bit like throwing them in the deep end”says Koraly Pérez-Edgar, professor at Penn State University (Pennsylvania). Above all, keep in mind that your child is discovering life: he needs to be accompanied, so listen carefully to what can potentially be a source of stress for him.
A concrete way to help him can also consist of giving him some “exercises”. If he is afraid to speak the first time, encourage him to take it little by little. Each new encounter has its own little step forward: a wave of the hand, a hello, introducing yourself…
Avoid being hen parents
As a parent, you may tend to protect your child from any situations that are uncomfortable for them. If it comes from a good feeling, you (and your child) would benefit from encouraging them to get out of their comfort zone. For Heather Henderson, professor of psychology at the University of Waterloo, in the long term, this behavior could harm her.
Furthermore, research has proven that participating in extracurricular group activities promotes resilience and self-confidence. If this is a scary activity for him at first, remind him that you will be there to encourage him. The goal is not to force your child to fight his shyness at all costs, but to support him until he gets used to this new social interaction.
Deep down, some children prefer to spend time alone and maintain strong friendships that can be counted on the fingers of one hand, and that’s just as good. “You’re not going to make your child prom queen.”jokes Koraly Pérez-Edgar, so encourage him to do his part, and everything will be fine.
