“Society teaches boys to be violent, to be selfish, to not have emotions… So you are there as a mother trying to instill these values, but society makes you a push back»says influencer Claire-Lise Laplace (aka “Maman Froggy”), on the social network TikTok.
In a video published in November 2024 (see below), she details the difficulties concerning the education of her sons since their arrival at school: “There are lots of things that I had put in place that are, I have the impression, slowly being snatched away and destroyed by society.” A fear particularly centered around the search for “masculine and external validation”who will become stronger and stronger as her sons grow up, she worries.
@mamanfroggy Response to @Najat 💎 Brand designer ♬ original sound – Mamanfroggy
But Claire-Lise Laplace is not the only one to feel this way. In the comments section below the video, several other mothers, who are trying to adopt a gender-neutral and feminist education, also speak out about their concerns. “I have a little boy and this rise in masculinism scares me, so I’m trying to help him develop his critical thinking and empathy as much as possible… while I still can”confides one of them. “My boy loved pink before going to school and after two weeks in kindergarten, he told me “no, that’s for girls””testifies another.
“Porous” socialization environments
Faced with gender stereotypes and the rise of masculinist ideas, the feeling of powerlessness can discourage some parents. However, Maëlle Challan Belval, specialist in emotional and sexual education, advises “persevere in transmitting the values that are important to us”. “Family education is constant and long-term”she assures.
For the president of Comitys, an organization that works in schools with 13,000 children and adolescents per year, “these gendered markers will fade over time”. According to her, we must keep in mind that the socialization of children and adolescents evolves over time and is based not only on education within the family, but also outside the home: at school, on social networks, with friends, etc.
“Gender and sex stereotypes are shared in all schools. We are still in a system based on sexism.”
This is also what sociologist Gabrielle Richard, a specialist in gender and sexuality issues, explains in the episode “How to raise boys?” from the podcast A podcast of your own from Arte Radio, put online in June 2023. “In matters of education, we are not able to isolate the effect of a variable (on the socialization of a child, editor’s note) beyond another. We are in environments that are porous”indicates the sociologist.
A porosity which is therefore found particularly between the school environment and the family environment, two pillars of children’s education. “When I train educational staff, I am systematically told: “Yes, but it happens upstream in the family”. And when I do interviews with parents, they tell me: “Yes, yes, I put a lot of things in place, but everything is going wrong at school.”
“A progression of rights, but also a progression of stereotypes”
For Johanna Dagorn, doctor in human and social sciences, who was responsible for the fight against sexist violence within a ministerial delegation responsible for preventing and combating violence in schools, all these reflections around the feminist education of boys are “rather good news” and the attention of parents on this subject is something “very new”. “So far, parents have always said, in the surveys and interviews I have conducted, that they explain to their daughters how to be careful, etc. Each time, I replied: “And what do you say to your boys?”. Usually I didn’t have an answer.”
According to the co-author of A short guide to the genre (with Arnaud Alessandrin, published in June 2025), these reactions clearly show that a change is underway within society. “Since the Manif pour tous and the post-#MeToo, things are movingtraces Johanna Dagorn. Until then, basic rights had been taken away. Now, we are restoring rights”particularly for women and minorities. But like any change, “there is bound to be resistance”. “Some “traditional” parents are reactionary, because they feel particularly in dangeranalyzes the sociologist. Gender and sex stereotypes are shared in all schools. We are still in a system based on sexism.”
If this type of preconceived ideas is particularly anchored, it is also because of the current context, specifies the sociologist. “In times of crisis, we need to be comforted and stereotypes don’t change. These are “ready-to-think” things that are reassuring. There is therefore both a progression of rights, but also a progression of stereotypes.
An essential integration for their well-being
For school worker Maëlle Challan Belval, social integration, very often influenced by the group effect and mimicry, nevertheless remains central to the child’s development. “We must keep in mind that children must integrate into a world of peers, she recalls. It’s sometimes complicated for them. They face clans, with forces of judgment and are immersed in a culture which distributes roles in a very characteristic way. As they grow, these “easy categorizations” thus become the benchmarks that boys seek to build themselves, adds the author of Dare to talk about love and sexuality with your children (January 2024).
A point also raised by sociologist Johanna Dagorn. “Children and adolescents construct their identity by being the same, she explains. The question of socialization for children is essential. They have to have friends, otherwise schooling could go badly.”
But, when children gradually try to assume their individuality, the specialist nevertheless recognizes that it is “more difficult for a boy to express his emotions, to be brought back to the feminine, than for a girl to be brought back to the masculine. Because the masculine is always valued, as much financially and economically, as physically or mentally.”
But this desire for integration should in no way slow down the firmness needed in response to grossophobic, sexist or even homophobic comments, believe the two experts. The key is to continue the steps aimed at explaining and making the child think about the situation, while showing them more“images of what it means to be a good guy”says Maëlle Challan Belval.
In order to help parents in this process, the school worker provides three pieces of advice. “Hold on as in any educational endeavor; continue to cultivate their critical thinking, to think with them when you see a series on their screens or hear comments that merit reflection; and don’t put the adults’ struggles on their shoulders. They are still beings in training. They will take steps forward, steps back, but that’s normal.”
