Better to be alone than in bad company. According to the National Institute of Statistics and Economic Studies (Insee), the rate of “solo” households in France has increased from 22% in 1975 to 35% today. A salient fact: for almost half of single women (46% compared to 34% of men), this situation is not a constraint, but a lifestyle choice.
How to explain it? Conservatives point the finger at an increasingly individualist and woke society, where feminism and the diversity of gender identities have weakened the sacrosanct heterosexual nuclear family… But what if women were simply assuming a right that has long been denied to them: the right to autonomy?
For a long time, in fact, women were forbidden to enjoy their own financial resources – it was not until 1965 that French women obtained the right to open a bank account without their husband’s authorization – and their time: they have always taken on the majority of domestic tasks. This inequality still forces many women today to sacrifice their independence, even if it means remaining in toxic and abusive relationships. On the other side of the spectrum, we find anxious singles who, fed with tales of prince charming, continue to be subjected to all kinds of pressure to escape from a “loneliness” that we can imagine is heavy.
What if there was a third way, between marital servitude and suffered celibacy? Considering marriage as a disguised servitude, Gabrielle Suchon (1632-1703) made her marital drought not a frustration, but a source of emancipation. A self-taught philosopher contemporary of Louis XIV, she signed a very topical treatise in 1700: Voluntary celibacy or life without commitment.
Inspired by her writings and the story of her life, we imagined an interview with her. This imaginary interview, carried out without the help of artificial intelligence, is freely inspired by the texts of Gabrielle Suchon. It cannot precisely reflect his thoughts, but was designed as a translation of his ideas in the light of the mentalities of our time.
Slate.fr: Why this plea for a “life without commitment”?
Gabrielle Suchon: I was born in 1632 in Semur-en-Auxois (current Côte-d’Or), into a good family of the local nobility. At a very young age, my parents placed me in the Jacobin convent, but I quickly realized that I was not made for the compartmentalized and silent life of nuns. So I escaped, despite my family’s recriminations. I had to flee to Lyon, then to Dijon, before turning to writing. I cannot stand life under guardianship, so I considered that the wandering existence of philosophers was best suited to fulfill my aspiration for a rested conscience and a peaceful life.
How were single women considered in the 17th century?e century?
In my time, the most prominent celibacy is that of priests, considered chaste and sacred. “Adult girls” – those who remain without a husband after their twenty-fifth birthday – are generally those who remain single not by choice, but because their family does not wish to have more unions for fear of squandering their financial assets. However, these single people can freely enjoy their property and rights, without the approval of a father or husband, which for many constitutes a liberation.
Today, we use derogatory terms to designate women who do not conform to marital norms: “old maids”, “frustrated”, “viragos”…
I’m not surprised, single women have always been viewed with suspicion. Unless they embody an ideal of chastity, like the recluses or the Maid of Orléans, they are treated as outcasts. They would be witches, prostitutes, conspirators. It really doesn’t matter what other people think. Beneath the shell of a little esteemed condition of the world lies the precious gold of a free power.
What are the obstacles that prevent women from achieving their full potential?
Men of the 17th centurye century suffer from two forms of servitude: incarceration and slavery (reestablished since 1685). For women, this enslavement can take more subtle forms: the convent, arranged marriage, domesticity, procreation. We are forced to carry out arduous, unpaid tasks and are not free with our time or our movements. By monopolizing us, marriage prevents us from becoming mistresses of ourselves. Devoid of material wealth, isolated, dependent, we can only play the role of stooge, servant, belly.
Who can free women?
Only women can lead this fight. We must not wait for a man, even a well-intentioned one, to sacrifice his privileges in the name of sexual equality. To delegate this fight would be to betray its very foundation. It starts with access to education. Women must be able to think for themselves, to understand the challenges of the contemporary world in order to find their place in it. This is how I was able to publish my writings. By multiplying the references to respected authors, I was able to obtain the imprimatur (the right to publish) and escape royal censorship! Those who have succeeded in educating themselves, studying, reading and philosophizing will be able, thanks to the knowledge acquired, to free themselves.
Is voluntary celibacy incompatible with the exercise of sexuality?
No way! The voluptuousness of women is another pretext for their inferiorization. Either they are too chilly to indulge in sensual pleasures and are said to be frigid. Either they are too sexually fulfilled and they are called debauched. A sexuality which does not aim to give birth is in itself a liberation from the natural condition of women. But access to knowledge already offers a form of satisfaction that is well worth that of carnal pleasures… Do you know what the desire to know is called in my time? “Libido scindi”!
What advice would you give to single women of the 21st century?e century, who despair of not finding the right shoe for them?
That they take the time to educate themselves, to embrace a vocation, to secure their financial situation so that the choice of a partner frees itself from material calculations. It is an opportunity to be able to love freely, to seek the harmony of feelings rather than that of social trajectories! I am convinced that we should not sell off this hard-won freedom to conform to a standard, however desirable it may be. If celibacy is a prison, at least it is without a guard, unlike unhappy marriage.
