Please note, there is “spoiled” and “rotten”: let us distinguish a pampered and grateful child from a tyrant child. In most cases, if the fruit of your bowels is an ungrateful naughty, it is surely because of certain sentences that you pronounce. Indeed, “The way we speak to them shapes their understanding of limits and consequences”explains Ann-Louise Lockhart, pediatric psychologist.
Rest assured, it is not inevitable, and your child’s behavior can evolve-thanks to you. “Children are not fruits that rot and are ruined forever”says Eileen Kennedy-Moore, psychologist. The HuffPost brought together the sentences to ban and how to replace them, according to experts in the matter. Here is the top 5.
1. “Okay. Just this time “
By dint of hearing him beg you, you let your child watch TV after 10 p.m. “Just for this time.” In reality, the respite you give yourself that evening is only short-lived. “This shows that the limits are flexible and that it is possible to exceed them by insisting”says Ann-Louise Lockhart. Take a good time to think about saying “no”: if it’s something that doesn’t matter to you, say “yes”, but otherwise, stand this answer. It is the best way for him to learn to manage disappointment.
2. “If you are wise, I will offer you a treat”
A child is not a pony to whom a suspected suspension is given to each well executed turn. Constant use of the reward can create a state of mind “Transactional”in which children behave only if they get something in return, says Ann-Louise Lockhart. Rather put forward the advantages of good behavior. For example: “Bravo, you have finished your homework!” Now you have more time to play before dinner. “
3. “Of course, right away!”
Everything comes in time to who knows how to wait. This old adage is always good to teach; Especially when you are talking and your marmot pulls you the sleeve without discontinuing. “Delay a non -urgent request and teach a child to wait will have invaluable benefits”according to Michele Borba, education psychologist. For the youngest, you can even give them a task to do while they wait, like singing a song or counting up to 10.
4. “I already told you to do that twelve times”
Once, not two, twice, not three … then as they say, never two without three. In the end, you find yourself repeating the same thing forever, without result. Rather than blurring, if they do not listen to the first time, Eileen Kennedy-Moore, co-author of books for parents, recommends fully attracting your child’s attention before entrusting him with a mission. To do this: establish visual contact or put your hand on your shoulder. Once you have his attention, let him focus on the task to be accomplished, before talking to him again.
5. “No problem if you don’t want to lend your toy”
You are at the park, and your little Timothy does not want to lend his ball to the friend next door. Embarrassed (and to avoid a crisis), you pass another toy with a little disarraying instead of insisting. However, in this situation, your child does not learn to think of his neighbor. Michele Borba rather advises to ask him: “How would you feel if it was you?” Talking about his feelings and naming them is essential to teach him to identify them. Psychologists are unanimous: by becoming more empathic, children are more likely to be happy.
