Of “Hello beautiful lady, how are you well I hope” (sic) at “My love, I just had an accident, it’s terrible, I would really like to see you again before I die so that you can receive my inheritance”who has never had to deal with an attempted romantic scam on social networks or on dating sites?
Most of the time, we read the message diagonally, we report, we block, we delete. But sometimes we respond and it’s the start of a spiral that leads to psychological control and financial fraud from which the victim rarely escapes unscathed. I deliberately write “we”, because this can, in a moment of confusion, loneliness or distress, happen to anyone. Yes, we see you, those who made fun of Anne, this 53-year-old Frenchwoman, victim of a fake Brad Pitt and whose story went viral at the beginning of 2025.
Where do these messages come from? What are the methods of those who send them? What are they looking for? How to protect yourself from it? What are the remedies for victims? Focus on fearsome “heartbreaking” practices.
“Letters from Jerusalem” to the grazers
Although sentiment scams thrive thanks to the omnipresence of digital technology, technological advances and our ultra-modern concerns, they are nothing new. As recalled by Marlène Dulaurans, lecturer in information and communication sciences at the IUT Bordeaux Montaigne, in her book Online violence – Deciphering the mechanisms of cyberharassment (published in 2024), they already existed at the end of the 18th centurye and at the beginning of the 19th centurye century.
In his essay The Thieves (1836), Eugène-François Vidocq – a former delinquent who became, under the Restoration, head of the security police – describes what was then called the “letters from Jerusalem”. Every day, with the complicity of their guards, prisoners wrote romantic letters, addressed to those nostalgic for the Ancien Régime. They presented themselves as valets of a marquis who had fled the French Revolution and abandoned a casket filled with gold in a pond. Unable to access it alone, they sought help from the future victim, promising them a share of the treasure after extracting money from them in exchange for the supposed location of the loot.
Today, in the age of the Internet, letters have given way to emails and private messages. The perpetrators are no longer prisoners, but well-established scammers. Their methods have become globalized and sophisticated, riding on the democratization of usurpation and counterfeiting tools: Photoshop, conversational robots, voice clones, deepfakes, etc.
“Some victims say they knew it was a scammer, but kept paying because they felt alone and it was the only way they could talk to someone every day.”
Victor Baait, tech, web and design teacher and whistleblower, has made it his specialty. He specifies: “These fraudulent practices can come from anywhere. When they come from Southeast Asia, we rather talk about “pig butchering”, scams that rely on the craze for cryptocurrencies. And when it comes to romantic scams, they most often come from Africa, particularly from Ivory Coast or Benin for French-speaking countries. These are what we call “grazers.”
It is this second category that interests us here, since it involves establishing a romantic relationship in order to extract money – preferably in the form of an annuity – or to obtain identity papers.
Well-established control methods, boosted by technology
The grazers start by creating a fake profile on social networks, of an anonymous person or a more or less recognized celebrity, using stolen photos intended to feed the account. Sometimes they write randomly, by private message or in comments; sometimes, they target people perceived as vulnerable: elderly people, widowed or isolated women, etc.
“They buy online or ask an AI to produce a “format”, a text intended to bait potential victims in the hope that they will respond”develops Victor Baait. And there, all it takes is for one person to take the bait for the machine to go into overdrive. The first step is to create an emotional connection. “This is the confidence building phase. The grazer talks to his victim every day, he asks her how she is, how she feels, to create an attachment.explains the expert.
The victim opens up, confides, finds listening and support that she does not have elsewhere, a way for the grazer to know her strengths, her weaknesses, her family environment, etc. “It’s the same principle of control as in the sects”notes Victor Baait.
Once this link is installed, the grazer proceeds to the next step. “He can claim that his fridge is empty, that he needs money to take a train to join his victim, or that he cannot pay his rent. He can also ask for help by explaining that his child or mother is sick.explains Victor Baait. The specialist specifies that the use of photomontages – or even deepfakes – is frequent and that everything happens in writing, without telephone or physical contact.
Gradually, the victim is robbed, through regular transfers, sometimes substantial. Some come to voluntarily consent to the scam. The tech and web expert and teacher, who supports victims within associations, testifies: “Some victims tell us they knew it was a scammer, but kept paying because they felt alone and it was the only way they could talk to someone every day.”
“Signing Grandma on Instagram so she can see the grandchildren’s photos is a bad idea. The question is not “will a grazer contact her?” but “when?”
When the victim begins to doubt or refuses to pay more, the grazers resort to emotional blackmail: “If you loved me, you would help me. I only have you”… Others unfold more complex scenarios, such as inheritance scam. “We are also seeing more and more sextortion, a form of blackmail in which the perpetrator threatens the victim to publish photos or videos showing them naked or performing sexual acts”adds Victor Baait.
Between shame, guilt, isolation and fear of judgment, the victim then finds themselves in a vicious circle from which it is difficult to escape. Some go so far as to commit suicide to end the influence. In this regard, Anne – the fifty-year-old victim of a fake Brad Pitt – confided her “shame” and making three suicide attempts after losing everything financially. She was hospitalized (at her request) for severe depression.
How to react, how to prevent?
Obviously, faced with the risk of emotional fraud, prevention remains the most effective weapon. It’s about learning to recognize the warning signals: making romantic contact on a social network, a “celebrity” who writes to get to know each other, early declarations of love, spelling or syntax errors, refusal of video calls, etc.
“If the texts are a little incoherent, if there are syntax errors or if he asks you how long you have been on the internet, these are signals”explains Victor Baait. You must then immediately block the contact and report the account. When in doubt, reverse image search and checking the number are reflexes to adopt.
We must also think about protecting loved ones. “We must avoid putting vulnerable people on social networks. Adding Grandma to Instagram so she can see the grandchildren’s photos is a bad idea. The question is not “will a grazer contact her?” but “when?”insists Victor Baait. Once the gears are set in motion, associations like Arnaque-moi si tu peut can offer advice, support and assistance in filing a complaint, if only to leave a trace.
To the relatives of a victim, Victor Baait recommends “not to confront her head-on, because she will tell everything to her grazer, who will panic and strengthen her grip. The first thing to do is to gather as much information as possible.” It is also essential to report the account to the platforms to have it deleted. In the event of severe control, the last resort is placement under guardianship or curatorship. A heavy decision, but sometimes essential to protect the victim, even against themselves.
What makes these scams particularly formidable is not only their technical efficiency or the sophistication of their scenarios. This is because they exploit fundamental human emotions: the need for love, connection, comfort. They interfere in our faults, our solitudes, our moments of weakness. Making fun of a victim is playing into the hands of the grazers. It reinforces shame, isolation and control. However, it is precisely these mechanisms that allow romantic scams to prosper.
As Victor Baait reminds us, everyone can be fooled, regardless of their age, their level of education or their digital vigilance. All it takes is one day without, a bereavement, a breakup, a weariness. The right reaction is never contempt, but listening, education and, if necessary, support. Because when it comes to emotional scams, there is only one side to blame: that of the scammers.
