At a time when “conscious parenting” is queen, Darby Saxbe, psychologist at the University of Southern California, evokes an alternative to positively positive educational methods. His theory entitled “Conscious sub-sparent”, developed in the New York Times, invites parents to draw inspiration from our ancestors hunter-gatherers, who did not spend their time finding a thousand and one way to entertain their marmots. A method to discover carefully (and why not a little self -mockery), without forgetting that it is only a proposal.
In rural societies in Central Africa, children spend a lot of time with their parents – they accompany them throughout the day and often participate in tasks -, but they are rarely the main object of their attention. “Sometimes getting bored, sometimes busy, these children spend much of their time observing adults do adult things”explains Barry Hewlett, anthropologist specializing in childhood.
In contemporary industrialized societies, it is quite the opposite: as soon as the child points the tip of his nose, everything is put in place so that he is especially bored. We walk from one activity to another: judo, gymnastics then plastic arts, convinced that this is the best for him. Children have become there Absolute priority, to the point that some parents may feel guilty of involving them in adult chores.
But is it really necessary? Darby Saxbe issues the idea that this over-pretention, also nicknamed “helicopter parenting” (the equivalent of the parent-chiller), as well intentioned, does not help children or parents.
Boredom, a gift for the brain?
According to his approach, boredom is not an enemy, but rather an ally. Neuroscience has shown only a brain at rest continues to work: he imagines, thinks, creates. Letting a child wandered also means helping him develop essential skills such as patience, ingenuity or even empathy. Of course, the theory has something to make an eyebrow. But think about it: Have you ever spent afternoon listening to endless conversations at Papi and Mamie or queuing the bank with your parents being young? So aren’t you much more patient today?
That said, no one advocates the idea of completely ignoring their children. When they really need us, you have to be there for them. But this method also involves keeping your energy for these moments, rather than running out by trying to seek to always control everything.
Even further in his approach, Darby Saxbe ideally evokes “A society that would treat children as a public good, where we would keep a collective eye on all our children, which would free us from the need to monitor ours”. Without getting there, maybe release the pressure a little and let your children manage their boredom could be good for them … and for you.
