You never know what life will be done, and sometimes it is necessary to take your courage in both hands and to confront your parents … to talk about finances. In an NPR article, journalist Cameron Huddleston explains how to approach this conversation, which documents to be made and the elements to be planned before their death.
If you automatically know that your parents’ physical and/or mental health decreases, be on the lookout for their actions (unpaid bills, sudden purchases, etc.) and encourage them to take stock of health. Because if they are no longer able to make decisions by themselves, you will need proxy and a will to make decisions on their behalf.
In fact, the will is the most important element, according to Cameron Huddleston. This legal document indicating how to distribute a person’s property after his death, it must be kept in a safe place. When your parent dies, you will have to submit it to the court, accompanied by a death certificate, so that the property is distributed.
If a parent has no will, it is the state that determines what receives what. According to Huddleston, “Many people are not aware of it, they think they can arrange it between family members. But having to go through the judicial system to manage the property of a parent is the last thing that we want to do after a death. ”
In addition to a will, make sure that your parents have given their early guidelines, that is to say a written declaration linked to their wishes on the medical level (judgment or refusal of treatments). According to Cameron Huddleston, you should not find yourself in the terrible situation of having to choose for your parent: “You don’t want to have to decide whether to maintain or stop respiratory assistance.”
It’s not just paperwork
Documents are one thing, but adapting their daily lives is another. The more they age, the more your parents will need help. For example, it can be good to think about the home of a life assistant, a nurse, or even the possibility of making him benefit from a day care (or even to place it) in an establishment for the elderly. Such projects can be expensive, and that is why you have to talk about it early.
In France, many aids are offered by the government to support the good aging of people, such as the allowance for people over the age of 60, APA. Other means are offered by insurance to best prepare for retirement: “Your parents can simply meet an advisor so that he can examine their financial situation, give them some suggestions and establish a plan for them.”
Finally, with their agreement, ask your parents to write a list of their passwords and keep it in a safe place of the house, specifying the place so that you are also able to access it easily.
But above all, if all these conversations around finances and end-of-life projects annoy your parents, reassure them by telling them that you will watch over them. By bringing together all these documents as soon as possible and establishing support plans, “You will necessarily help them with the way they want to be helped”, explains Cameron Huddleston.
Remember that you respect their independence and that you want to help them keep it as long as possible, but that for that, you have to prepare it together.
