Recently, we have heard a lot about “helicopter parents”, these parents overprotective who are constantly hovering over their children to spare them any danger. However, psychologists are unanimous: drop perfectionism, and rather opt for laziness. Not only will you be better, but your child too, because giving in to the least of his whims does not serve him.
Be careful, however, a so -called “lazy” parent is to be distinguished from a negligent parent. “Lazy parenting” is to let children perform most of the tasks of the day themselves. It aims to help them develop their trust, independence and their sense of responsibility. The American HuffPost brought together ten advice from psychologists specific to this method, Slate selected five (spoiler alert: trying to adopt it).
1. Do not check their homework anymore
Let’s be honest, you don’t get anything on the college level mathematics. Here is finally a good (and valid) excuse for no more business: the well-being of your children. On the one hand, when you are still behind their shoulders to check the quality of their work and their rating bulletins, you may oppress them. On the other hand, as Caitlin McLear, children’s psychologist, “The consequences and failures are our way of learning”. In other words, let your children work independently, it is the best way for them to progress.
2. Let them be bored
If you are diligent with Slate, you have already joined this advice. “Boredom helps children develop skills such as planning, problem solving and distress tolerance”explains Caitlin McLear. So put aside the planning of millimeter extra-curricular activities and favor a good afternoon to be bored. Keep in mind that they need a daily rest time as we need a few hours to chille Once they are in bed.
3. Do not make the appointments anymore in their place
From college, children need to train frequently to communicate with adults. Without that, they will themselves become adults unable to operate independently. A 2019 report shows that only 8% of 18-year-old Americans can make an appointment with the doctor. Does that shock you? So stop calling for your children at all times if you don’t want to make them assisted.
4. Force them to go out without you
You are worried about letting your children play outside, and you tell yourself that they could get lost or injured … In reality, in his book The Anxious Generationpsychologist Jonathan Haidt says that unattended games help children develop certain capacities. Among them: assess the risks for themselves and learn that when things go wrong, even if they are injured, they can generally get out of it without calling an adult.
5. Give yourself solo moments
In his recent report on the state of parenthood in his country, the United States Public Health Administrator Vivek Murthy writes that parents spend more time than ever to children. However, in order to be in the best possible conditions when you spend time with your children, you must first take time for yourself. Take a bath, make a film or read a book, because being a parent does not mean that you have to draw a line on your mental health.
Finally, childhood psychologists agree that we must stop feeling guilty of “Benign negligence”. With this paradigm shift, we can rather congratulate ourselves, knowing that a certain parental laziness is necessary to promote the maturity of our children.
